Before I begin- let me give you a little background* about this zoo. It is literally in the back yard of some man's house. You have to drive on a dirt road to get there. All the animals in the zoo are former circus (or something like it) performers. There is nothing more than a chain link fence between you and a bear. The zoo keeper lets the animals roam around the zoo sometimes. You feed popcorn to the animals through a tube. It is one of the saddest places I have ever been to and possibly the scariest place that my kids have ever been to. But other than that- it was great! ;)
--Now onto the amazing story of: (duh duh) The Zoo.
If you know my kids then you know that they, namely Miles, is terrified of animals. Any animal. If Miles gets worked up enough- he can get Faye to be just as scared as he is. When we walked into the indoor part of the zoo (where the birds and snakes reside) we were surprised to see a monkey knocking on the window to say, "hello." It was kind of adorable, but being that close to an animal was making Miles a little nervous.
And then the birds started squeaking and squawking and the kids were done. So we ventured outside.
We saw and fed a bunch of animals.
Faye fell in love with some crazy little monkeys.
And she wouldn't leave them. So she sat down by them while we did a loop and looked at some of the other animals.
And then...
Ok. So this isn't actually Miles- but this picture is a good representation of what the next few minutes were like.
Let me fill you in with a little story I like to call: Being mauled by a goat.
The zoo itself is basically on a great big hill. As we were making our trek down to the bottom- Miles spotted a goat who was out of it's cage- it made Miles a little tense, but it was about 100 yards away so I told him not to worry. The goat looked up, gave us some crazy eyes and then started charging. What the?!
Miles started freaking out- he let out some piercing screams of terror and fear and was climbing up me as fast as his little legs and arm could which made Faye get crazy and do the same. At one point- I was trying to run up the hill holding both screaming kids and push the stroller, but as the goat was gaining on us- I let the stroller go whizzing down the hill and moved as quickly as I could. Maybe I would get lucky and the stroller would distract him. It was no use. I, running up a ridiculously steep dirt/rock hill with two little people on each hip, was no match for this mangy snaggle tooth of a beast.
He caught up to us. My kids screaming in fear. I may have been screaming too- I was terrified as well. And then, he reached us. I tried to kick him away, but it seemed to only aggravate him. I'm not exactly sure what happened after that. He must have disappeared into thin air- because I have no memory of him actually leaving us. But he was gone- and we made it out alive. Just barely.
I thought we would be safe inside the snake and bird house- but, of course, we weren't. The goat must have spoken to the parrots inside because as soon as we walked in- our eardrums exploded at the scary squawking of about 15 birds. My kids started screaming again. Not cool, crazy birds.
We went to the dirt lot where our car was and were about to go sit in it and wait for our friends when my kids saw the one part of the zoo they could accept: the playground.
We had other adventures as well at the zoo. Including, but not limited too:
-Worrying about the senior citizens getting mixed up with a poo-throwing monkey.
-Miles getting a little depressed when noticing how sad a lonely gorilla was in his cage. "All he has, sniff sniff, is that log to be friends with. Why does he have to be in there?" I feel ya, Miles.
-A lion (whose sign reads, "don't get too close- I'm afraid you might take one of my girlfriends" referring to the three lioness sharing his home) tearing into raw meat like it was Christmas morning. It was frightening and amazing.
It was a pretty memorable day. And looking back- it was pretty freaking hilarious, but I'm not sure that my kids have ever recovered. Or, for that matter, if they ever will.
More West Virginia later.
Loves.
And then the birds started squeaking and squawking and the kids were done. So we ventured outside.
We saw and fed a bunch of animals.
Faye fell in love with some crazy little monkeys.
And she wouldn't leave them. So she sat down by them while we did a loop and looked at some of the other animals.
And then...
Ok. So this isn't actually Miles- but this picture is a good representation of what the next few minutes were like.
Let me fill you in with a little story I like to call: Being mauled by a goat.
The zoo itself is basically on a great big hill. As we were making our trek down to the bottom- Miles spotted a goat who was out of it's cage- it made Miles a little tense, but it was about 100 yards away so I told him not to worry. The goat looked up, gave us some crazy eyes and then started charging. What the?!
Miles started freaking out- he let out some piercing screams of terror and fear and was climbing up me as fast as his little legs and arm could which made Faye get crazy and do the same. At one point- I was trying to run up the hill holding both screaming kids and push the stroller, but as the goat was gaining on us- I let the stroller go whizzing down the hill and moved as quickly as I could. Maybe I would get lucky and the stroller would distract him. It was no use. I, running up a ridiculously steep dirt/rock hill with two little people on each hip, was no match for this mangy snaggle tooth of a beast.
He caught up to us. My kids screaming in fear. I may have been screaming too- I was terrified as well. And then, he reached us. I tried to kick him away, but it seemed to only aggravate him. I'm not exactly sure what happened after that. He must have disappeared into thin air- because I have no memory of him actually leaving us. But he was gone- and we made it out alive. Just barely.
I thought we would be safe inside the snake and bird house- but, of course, we weren't. The goat must have spoken to the parrots inside because as soon as we walked in- our eardrums exploded at the scary squawking of about 15 birds. My kids started screaming again. Not cool, crazy birds.
We went to the dirt lot where our car was and were about to go sit in it and wait for our friends when my kids saw the one part of the zoo they could accept: the playground.
We had other adventures as well at the zoo. Including, but not limited too:
-Worrying about the senior citizens getting mixed up with a poo-throwing monkey.
-Miles getting a little depressed when noticing how sad a lonely gorilla was in his cage. "All he has, sniff sniff, is that log to be friends with. Why does he have to be in there?" I feel ya, Miles.
-A lion (whose sign reads, "don't get too close- I'm afraid you might take one of my girlfriends" referring to the three lioness sharing his home) tearing into raw meat like it was Christmas morning. It was frightening and amazing.
It was a pretty memorable day. And looking back- it was pretty freaking hilarious, but I'm not sure that my kids have ever recovered. Or, for that matter, if they ever will.
More West Virginia later.
Loves.
*One of my very best friends in all the world lives in West Virgina and we were able to go spend some time with her and her friends over there. We had many great adventures, including laughing so hard we cried- numerous times. Love you, Abs.
7 comments:
That's pretty freakish. I'm guessing that's a "zoo" you won't be visiting ever again.
Hey lady! I didn't know you had a blog! Yessss.. another blog to read as I sit bored to tears at my desk job.
Your kids are adorable and you look awesome!
-Kate Bess Bueler
Oh. My. Heavens. FREAKING HILARIOUS! I am sitting here laughing hysterically! Love your blog.
That is awesome. I can't believe there's only a chain link fence between you and that lion. Wow.
Freaky, yet hilarious. Only because I can imagine the whole "attack" and it makes me giggle. What is it about zoos?....you should look at a video I have posted (the one and only) of Luke meeting a gorilla at the zoo a long time ago. It's pretty funny.
What the hell is this place? And I love that you preface the story with the fact that poor Miles is already afraid of animals! Glad to hear you all made it out alive!
please come again.
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