Give Me a [Potty] Break
I'll just warn you right now that if you are someone who doesn't want to hear about my shrinking bladder then stop reading.
For the rest of you, get a load...
I have been peeing so much lately that I'm seriously considering just setting up camp in the bathroom. I decided to count how many times I pee in one day and so I counted yesterday. The number was upsetting: 20 and a half. 20 times!! I woke up at 7am and went to bed at 11pm and during those 16 hours I peed 20 times. That's 1.25 whizzles an hour. And the worst part is- they are always just dribbles. Little tinkles. Never a good solid pee. It's annoying.
Are you wondering about the half? Yeah, one of those 20 times I stood up and had the urge to go again, but when I tried- nothing. Outrage I tell you.
"You're on the heavy side."
Those are the words that my doctor said to me when I asked him how much weight I gained in two weeks. "Four poounds," he said, "you're on the heavy side."
I'll heavy side your face.
Luckily, I saw the mid wife today and she told me that I am doing just fine. I made all of my remaining appointments with her.
Sweetie, I think something is wrong with me. I can't move my (add any of a number of body parts here).
Poor David. All I do is complain... "I can't move my back. My knee keeps failing. My boobs are ridiculous. I think my skin is turning green. I'm so fat. I can't put my shoes on. Can you get me some water? Will you go get Miles? It's your turn to change him. Do you even understand how hard it is for me to put his pants on? I'm dizzy. I'm tired. I'm full. I'm starving. I have to pee. I have to pee again. I need you to give me a little neck rub..."
Yep. I'm pregnant and my condition is getting worse.
Poor Dave.
You ain't nothing but a hound dog.
Another warning. Just don't read this all together:
If you are still reading and you have ever been pregnant before- is it normal to be crazy horney all the time? I'm not saying that I am, but a friend of mine asked me to ask you.
A place to document our day-to-day brags or complaints. Hope you enjoy.
16 comments:
HA! I'm dying about your extremely vivid descriptions!
"I'll heavy side your face." That's epic! It reminds me of when one of my students told me that my hair looked better far away than up close. I really wanted to say, "So does your face," but figured it wasn't appropriate to say to a 14 year old.
And, yes, it's normal. Tell your friend to take advantage while she can. ;-)
You CRACK me up! It's not every day that I can laugh out loud when I read a post. Part of that is probably because I was there not so long ago.
Oh, and I agree that it's normal and your friend should take advantage because it's a LONG 6 weeks post-pardem. Did I just type that? Gross. :)
Oh that peeing thing is the worst! I hate the little drizzle when you feel like you need to let out a gallon. Aches and pains, I hear there worse with the second, would you say so? And as for the last unmentionable, tell your friend that that was totally the case for me. WOW, I bet Phil cant wait for pregnancy again. Nothing like a horney, large and in charge wife! Ü
Talk about peeing, I just peed a little bit because I was laughing so hard. Seriously, maybe you should try some stand up comedy as a part time job. I love you and love you.
Hey, don't hold back, tell us how you really feel! You are one funny girl.
Cicely! I love reading your blog because you always say exactly how I feel!! When is your baby due? Because I am always having the exact same symptoms as you!! ANd I just about told the skinny nurse who weighs me and giggly tells me how much I've gained every week the same thing you wanted to tell your doctor. My doctor suggested I not eat so many desserts and just take a small taste of what my husband was eating. I was like a small taste?? If I don't get any the last thing I am going to do is sit there and watch my husband eat it while I eat a small taste... hahah AND this lady at work last week told me my shirt was too tight and i needed to go home and change it. I was like are you effing kidding me?? I am 38 weeks pregnant... all my shirts are too tight you ho bag!!! hahahhaa, sorry I am still a little mad about that, it was pretty much the fattest I have ever felt my whole life!! You know people only tell fat people their shirts are too tight! Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this blog and was comforted to know I am not the only constant complainer!! OH and the peeing thing is driving me nuts today! I am seriously concerned that I have a bladder infection because the second I stand up I have to pee again, oh and if she is moving I am scared I will soon pee my pants... I hope this all ends soon...
yuck
you are hilarious.
I can't remember does the pee thing go back to normal? When I'm not preg will I get to stop changing my undergarments everytime I sneeze? I sure hope so. I'm not to the last part yet but tell your friend I hear its normal.
"you can do it!"
Hack, Hack...(*kuooof), Excuse me, I think I just inhaled my cereal reading the line "I'll heavy side your face." (don't ask me what I'm doing eating cereal at 12:27 while I look at your blog:D).
You're lucky, though. The peeing thing lasts all pregnancy for me, in fact, that's how I first know that I'm preggo--that and hiccups. Once in my third trimester I wet myself a little
in public. It was really embarrassing. Oh, and pretty much any touching makes me morning sick in the first and last trimester, (too much info, I know, but I thought your friend would like to know that I envy her--A LOT). At least if you're camping out in the bathroom, it might be easier to teach Miles...lol. I'm thinking about doing that with Nana--or you know, just making HER camp out in there...lol.
Dude, I was wondering when you'd blog next.
Yeah, the peeing thing sucks...hang in there. I think my most frustrating part wasn't even the frequency...it was speed. It like takes me FOREVER to pee when I'm pregnant. You go in, having to pee like a racehorse...and you do the 'tinkle tinkle' thing...but then its just more tinkle tinkle...I JUST HAVE TO FREEKIN' Pee man!
I was so grateful when I could pee fast again...ahhhh....the enjoyment of peeing with speed...
And your 'friend'..haha, sure honey. Hey man...live it up...we always just laughed through it cause its funny when you're so big...haha, I mean, REGULAR kind of big. BTW I would have 'heavy-sided' her too...nice job. ;-) Even if it was just in thought. ;-)
Hang in their darlin'...you look amazing...even if you don't feel it. And you're pregnancy trek isn't too much further...
you can doooo it! ;-)
Oh I LOVE YOU!
I used the bathroom everytime I walked by one close to the end. it's great, right?
Your doctor is lame. Your midwife sounds way cooler.
Poor Dave.
Lucky Dave.
I hear ya on going the bathroom. I am not quite up to 20 but some days I feel like all I do is look for bathrooms wherever I go! At least we are getting a little exercise walking to the bathroom! eheheheh. :) I told my family you wanted the name Liv and everyone thought it was so cute so . . . Tell David it isn't lame! :)
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